I’m a guy, like, stereotypically speaking, I’m definitely a guy. Seen from the outside I only have three emotional states: neutral, annoyed and happy to the extreme - come to think about it, I might be a dog, stereotypically speaking. The breakdown of time allotted for each emotion is roughly: 70% neutral, 25% annoyed, 5% happy.
On the inside things are slightly different and my emotional states are mapped differently. While my outside is black and white, on the inside I am a complete scale of gray - ah, you though I was going to say rainbow didn’t ya?
Neutral is made up of sadness, shame, puzzlement, suspicion, mild happiness, horniness, concern and laziness. Annoyed is for extreme shame, irritation, suspicion and long term indecision. Happiness is for ex-horniness, movies and music that tap directly into my emotional center, meaningful work, pride in others and glimpses of something that resembles a life plan.
My external communication skills reflect the emotional breakdown. If you ask me how I am, I’ll either say: meh, normal or ok - angry, neutral and happy respectively. My internal communication is a mess, it’s like a crowd of stereotypical women discussing office gossip, but it’s really just me, talking to myself in slightly different voices.
Is this by choice or design? Nature or Nurture? Darwin knows, but more than anything it’s becoming a habit. I was never one to spontaneously reach out and talk to people - I almost never start a conversation - but now it’s just ridiculous. To give you a very concrete example, someone very dear to me, with whom I spoke to every day of the week, left the company in December. I have talked to her some three times if that. In my head? I think of her almost every day. Makes sense doesn’t it?
As per self imposed therapy I decided to try to talk to my blog and to you, my three peeps that only realise you’re reading A BLOG - 1990 called - when it’s too late! I love you for it, ok?
Current status: Neutral, South West
People overthink this life shit!
— Louis CK